Navigating my Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Seeking a Committed Partnership
Being a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, mostly enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership that lasted four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved casual sex. Whenever I begin seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners once more.
Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy
Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, often causing lots of heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire a partner to care for me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I fear the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused.
Every person’s sexual journey varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle different types of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs in your current state could easily shift down the road; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you could encounter a person offering a life-changing chance to you through mirroring what you want completely … and at another point you may choose that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about the future and playing the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your energy. Try to be present in your relationships, and see the worth of each person you connect with intimately a sexual connection. When and if the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear.
- Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American therapy professional who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.
